Disappointing Days

Vacations are a funny thing. When school's about to end, you make all these plans. You promise everybody you meet, that you two will hang out during the break. You get excited, bubbly with the feeling of not having to study for a while. You imagine sleeping in late, not touching a book, and staying in your PJs all day long. You dream of doing daring, adventurous things. Meeting funny, sophisticated people. You spend your time trying to come up with all those creative classes you will take. Usually, none of this really happens. All that dreaming is wasted time.

Vacations are one of those things that you raise your expectations for, just to watch them crash back down. You expect to have this wonderful, adventurous break. You imagine all the new people you will meet, all the cool things you will do. In the end, none of this happens. Instead, you wake up at 8 because it's too hot to sleep. Then, you watch TV for a bit. You end up getting bored, so you talk to people you haven't for a while. This makes you feel so nostalgic, it physically hurts. You turn to your iPod for support, only to discover you want to start listening to new music. In the end, you really don't do anything with your day. 

Even with all of this nothing, you still don't want to go back to school. You never want to touch another book again, but there is holiday homework to do. You never want to wake up at 6 o'clock ever, ever again. Yet, that day is looming ahead. While you're thinking about all of this, that hateful day arrives. Those new pens, fresh notebooks, and the smell of new wood on you're pencil would be something to celebrate about, had they not been for school. You know those pens won't be writing whimsical thoughts, but hard core chemistry notes. Those notebooks will not hold thoughtful sketches or trying poems, but a list of vocabulary words to memorize. Those pencils will be blunt and used, not by marking your favorite passages on your favorite book but by drawing the insides of the human body. 

Sure, it's nice to see your friends after a long time. However, is that moment worth waking up early, getting yelled at by teachers, and staying up till the wee hours doing homework? I think not. Yet, you wouldn't want to die of boredom doing nothing during the holidays would you? School or no school,  I just can't seem to get a break. 

The Yin-Yang State Of Mind

While I was walking down a shady looking gully today, I had an epiphany. Not the eureka type, but the type where you get an idea and ponder upon the occurrences that may result from it. The type of idea that slowly sneaks up on you, quietly like a stealthy cat is hard to come by. They rarely befall upon ordinary folks, like myself.  However, today, while walking on a slippery sidewalk, I discovered what many don’t. I discovered what I believe is the secret of having of a social life.

I’m not going to be like the book, “The Secret”. I will not ramble on and on about the secret, without even telling you what it is. Therefore, the secret of having a social life is finding the median. If you find the middle for everything, you will find what you need for a happy life.

Everything has a middle. The secret to having a social life is to stand out while still being a part of something. Be the black sheep among the white, but still be a sheep. Being different is a good thing, and it’s simple really; you just have to be yourself. Fitting in is the tough part, but that is plausible too. Being a part of the group, while still standing out is almost impossible. However, as Audrey Hepburn once said, “Even ‘impossible’ says, I’m possible!” Finding the middle, and then becoming it is the secret to surviving. Today, society over powers us all. Whatever society says, most of us blindly do.

Standing out and being idiosyncratic is a good thing, but only to a point. We are social creatures. Most people like most people, and people need people. Even if you don’t want any company, you need it. You know why? Because you are human (or at least I hope you are). Since people need people, people crave being a part of a group. They want to belong, and that is hard to do. However, once you find your little nook, it’s worth it.

Even though humans are social creatures, most of us still crave for attention. Honestly, who doesn’t like being noticed? What is better than being a part of a group but standing out at the same time? You fit in, but you’re still thought of as an individual.

Going back to the original topic, the mid-way is the way to go. Extremes are risky and they’re not constant. For example, with personalities. The best personalities are ones that are in the middle. Somebody who is nice but not weak, funny but can be serious, smart but not a smart-aleck, witty but not mean, talks but not too much, and is charming but not cunning is literally a perfect person. AS you might have noticed, that person has all the medians down. It’s hard and impossible (no matter what Audrey Hepburn said) for every single person to have all of those characteristics. We are all different, and we all have our attributes and flaws. However, while we should learn to accept ourselves, we should also learn to better ourselves.

Haven’t you noticed, the yin-yang? We need both the dark and the light in life, but both to a limit. The dark should balance the light, and vice versa. Even humans, who lived thousands of years ago, have found this to be true. Extremes are not the way to go.

Find the middle for everything, and I assure you, you will live a great life. Don’t be extremely mean, or extremely nice but be a good person. Don’t talk too much but you shouldn't keep quite all the time. Just find a middle, one that fits you personally.

Today’s epiphany might not exactly be the secret for living an amazing life, but I assure you it’s a way to improve your life. Extremes are dangerous and don’t work well. If you find the middle you will find the way to peace, much like the yin-yang.

The Suburbs

Some people adore the city and detest the countryside. Others prefer the country, and loath the city. I can't seem to choose. For me, choosing between the country and the city is like choosing between your mother and your father. Which one do you like better, your father's encouraging pats or our mother's affectionate hugs? See, it's impossible. It's like choosing between your left and your right. Would you rather write or carry a bag? 

The countryside and the city, both have their pros and cons. The city is adventurous, yet scary.  The country is beautiful, yet it can be lonely. In the city, you can find everything anywhere. In the country, you don't have to breath in toxic pollutants while trying to live your life. In the city, you're a car ride away from an adventure. In the country, adventures are sometimes hard to find. In the city, people tend to be open-minded. In the country, wearing high heels and trying to look fabulous in the Barbie way is just not practical or plausible. 

Then, it comes to the population. I don't mean to be offensive, but a majority of the population in urban areas are mean, scary people. I'm sure they're all nice people once you get to know them. However, when you're passing by somebody on the street nobody smiles. Most people just ignore you, which is better than the glare-ers and the stare-ers. In rural areas, almost everybody knows everybody. Therefore, whenever you step out doors, you're greeted with a smile. 

The opportunities in the urban areas are much grander. I'm sure growing up in the country must have been wonderful. You would've grown up slow, strong, and sweet like honey. In the city, growing up is tough. You get used to the mean people and the fast paced life. However, you can not deny the opportunities that lie in the, as Alicia Keys once sang, "concrete jungle." There are so many things to do, places to go, and people to meet in the city. Life is more adventurous and filled with hustle-bustle. Once you've lived in the city, the relaxed atmosphere of the countryside seems mundane.  

The city is beautiful in the too-much-lights-and-too-many-people way, while the country is beautiful in the there-is-not-much-of-anything-anywhere. Neither can ever be better than the other. Human kind realized this early on. Thus, they created a compromise, the suburbs. The Suburbs is where the city and the country merge into something neither of them will ever fully be. It's the middle that satisfies most needs. Not too many people, but not a barren dessert. It's a wonderful creation the suburbs. It's the place to be. It's like the combination of your father and mother; the merging of your left and right hands. It is all but nothing. It's the middle that can't ever be replaced. It is like the components of your sandwich. The two breads are the city and the country, while the middle is the best part. The suburbs. 

Needy Folks, Need To Go

Friendship |ˈfrendˌ sh ip|nounthe emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.• a relationship between friends : she formed close friendships with women.• a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.ORIGIN Old English frēondscipe (see friend, -ship ). Today, people misuse the word friendship all the time. They think that in order to be friends one must text all the time or call everyday or skype once a week. They think that you ALWAYS have to be in touch. You ALWAYS need to know what your friend is doing. That's all a lie. If two people are really friends, they don't constantly need to be conversing. How do you know if you're friends with somebody and not just an acquaintance? Well, with friendship there can be comfortable silence. If both of you do not feel you have to constantly talk, you have a friendship. If your conversations are awkward, and you're trying way too hard to think of something to say, it's not a friendship. If you're forcing yourself to talk to somebody, just stop it. Also, in some friendships two friends can go months or years without talking. When they finally talk, and it's like nothing's changed. That, folks, is friendship. Another thing people do with their so called friends is cling. Don't do it. Even friends need some space. If you're always calling or texting a person and they're not texting you back, they're trying to tell you something. Give them space. They probably still want to be your friend, but you're just over crowding them. Don't waste your time calling or texting somebody who doesn't want to talk to you 24/7. Honstly, who wants to talk to anybody 24/7? Also, don't be the "friend" who needs to know where all of their friends are all the time. You're not anybody's mother yet. Instead of obsessing about somebody else's life, go live your own. What I'm trying to say is there's a limit to everything, including friendship. I mean if both of you are totally fine with 24/7 texting or calling, then knock yourselves out. However, there are some people, like me, who detest constantly communicating with somebody they see frequently. I don't want to sound rude, but I'm not interested in talking to ANYBODY all day, everyday. I need space and time to think by myself. That doesn't mean I'm an introvert and hate socializing. No, I love hanging out with people, especially my friends. It's just that I don't feel the need to cozy up and cling on  tightly to anybody. I'm just not the kind of person that needs to talk to somebody else ALL THE TIME. If you don't like spending time by yourself, then why would anybody else enjoy spending time with you? It may seem harsh, but don't over do it on the friendship. You might be thinking, where did this come from? Well, I've been noticing some over-friendly friends on Facebook. I don't mean to sound rude, but if you just spent the whole day with somebody, you don't need to write "OMG, i miss you already. I can't wait till we hang out tomorrow. Would you like to skype right now? <3 xoxoxoxoxo" on their wall.  That is not necessary. I get it if you haven't seen a friend for a while, you would like to tell him or her that you miss them, but if you see the same person all day everyday, don't you get tired of them? Maybe, I'm the weird one. I don't appreciate clingy people, and that is that. 

Music's Important

With music, I'm kind of weird.  I don't hate Justin Bieber, but I don't like to listen to him that much. I dislike rap with a passion. It's too aggressive for me, it leaves me feeling angry. Also, I don't find anything musical about a man or a woman saying words so fast you can't understand anything.  I love the Beatles and Oasis. However, I  still know every word to every Taylor Swift, Avril Lavigne, and Maroon 5 song.You must be thinking, "Aren't you too young for the Beatles?" or "How can you like Taylor Swift? She's so whiny." Well, I like what I like. That may seem weird to you, but that's how it is for me. I do not conform. Sometimes, I try but I never succeed.

Music is a part of a persons identity. The words that have been heard over and over again by the same person until it is a part of a soul, will be heard by millions of others. It units the world. It is a constant in a world that doesn't have many constants. Things are always changing, but a song remains the same. Forever.

Which is more important, the lyrics to a song or the instrumental part?  Everybody has a different answer. If you had asked me that question a few months ago, I would have said obviously the lyrics. What's more beautiful in a song than the words that you've heard so many times before but never in this certain way? Maybe it's because I've loved words and their ability to have a meaning since the beginning of time. If you asked me that question today, I would not be able to answer. Words are beautiful, yes. However, instrumentals are words for the soul.

How amazing is the human mind? It takes sounds that are placed one after another and makes it meaningful. I used to think that classical music was boring, but it isn't. It allows your mind to wander into the world of sounds, which isn't unlike from the world of words. I think just like words, sounds have stories. Sometimes, it just takes a little longer to comprehend them.

Some say that music can save lives. I don't doubt them. When a person is all alone, he doesn't feel like dancing around the room because life is amazing. Nope. However, put that same person in a room with loud, dance-able music. You now have a person who is enjoying life, even though he is all alone. Like I have previously said, music is a constant. It's always there. If you listen to a song twenty times a day because you love it, you will still have access to that same song in 40 years. Music will always be there, even if everything changes. That is what makes music, magic.

In To The Wild, Almost

I usually don't write about my day, but today is an exception. I did something I usually don't do. I went out. No, not out of my house; I do that rather frequently. I went out of the valley, the city. I went with family members, and it was amazing. We went to a Vishnu Temple, then drove up to a 'hill'. Those hills would be considered mountains anywhere else, but not here.

There is something about going to a place where green is in abundance and water is transparent. The smells, the sights, and the calmness engulf you completely. You feel energized. For a second, you begin to comprehend life and the importance of nature. It's an overwhelming second. Your lungs seem to have multiplied, your sight is clearer, and you never want to go back.

A few days ago, I read Into the Wild. I now understand what led Christopher McCandless into the wild.  Mother nature has so much to offer us, yet we rarely take advantage of it. We're glued to our computers and iPhones. We like that we don't have to think as much anymore. Basically, we're addicted to robots. The Earth has so much beauty to give us, yet we prefer man-made objects. Christopher McCandless wanted to cut off electronics and live the way we were meant to. Once he went out and saw nature stripped of a television, he never wanted to leave. In the end, he didn't. Some people say he was stupid for going off to Alaska like that. I disagree. Yes, family is important and he should have called his parents. However, he needed to find out who he was, as a person. He couldn't do that with the pressures of society. Thus, when he left he was free from all of life's baggage. The end didn't turn out so great, but at least he was happy. Even though he knew he was going to die because of the choices he made, he was at peace. He followed his dreams, which is something most of us don't do. He had the courage to make it happen. He knew he was going to die, but he accepted it. He understood that the Earth holds beauty that even photoshop can't fix. It's unfixable because it is so flawless. It's over-welming really. For a person who talks so much, today I was speechless. 

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be A Child

There will always be people who appreciate dried leaves and crooked smiles. The people who love starry nights and the clear blue sky more than the average. The folks who sing songs long forgotten by the rest. The girls who dance randomly and don't care if they're different. The ones who will eat as much as they want because they're hungry. The ones who run because they want to, and paint because their hearts desire so. The girls who leave their nail polish on until it becomes tiny specks on the clean nail. The same people who are more comfortable in hoodies and jeans. The ones that read too much, too fast. The ones who dream and think beyond the capacity of today's world.

It might seem as if the people who 'dig' new cars and plastic smiles are taking over. The ones who adore majestic mansions and everything new. The people who adore the smell of air conditioner and the sound of high, high heels. The ones that count calories before consuming. The ones who don't read for fun because they are 'waiting for the movie'. The ones who prefer perfect skin and long, flawless hair. The people whispering about the same old people and the same old drama. The ones that are silently becoming the people they used to hate. The folks who tried to impress society, but failed to drastically.  They didn't understand that society never lets anybody win. Ever.

Thought it seems that these plastic people are taking over, that is not the case.
The folks who adore the small things will always be there, hidden beneath the shadows. They don't need to talk too much or too loud. They don't need to wear too-short shorts and plaster their faces with face paint (also known as make-up, but what is it really?). They don't need to pretend to be dumb to make friends. They'll figure out who they are and who they want to be soon enough. People will go through stages where they become "plastic"; and long to be included in the pretty committee. That phase will end one day. We are who we always were, children.

Children do not judge or point fingers. Instead they ask questions and laugh. They smile when they want and hug because it's nice. The aren't afraid of the truth. They make friends quicker than instant noodles, and are kinder than time. They like what they like, and don't try to conform. That soon changes when you become ten, though. You suddenly HAVE to fit in. Wearing long, flowery dresses are out; you've got to buy something cooler. You spend hours begging your mother to buy you the new 'in' clothes. This goes on, and on, and on. However, it is all put an end soon enough. We'll all get a similar epiphany sooner or later. We're not who we really are, we are society. Somewhere in there, we're aiming to be who we once were; who we might never be again. Children. 

Divine Things

We all want to believe in something, whether it's God or something else. We like to put our faith in things that we can not physically see. I understand why. God, for example, gives us something to believe in when our whole world is upside down. We trust God for a better future. Sometimes that future comes, sometimes it doesn't. When things do get better, we praise and thank God. When things don't, we do two things. We either trust God, and hope for a better tomorrow; or we get angry and put the blame on God.

Right now, I don't know if I believe in destiny and fate or myself. I know that sometimes it's just nice to know, even without facts, that somebody is watching out for you. I know there isn't much proof of Gods presence. However, I also know that we live in a beautiful world that something bigger than humans created. Throughout history, many different people figured that out. They called that something bigger God. Jesus. Ram. Shiva. Allah. Parvati. They're basically the same. We've learned as humans that we can't really trust anybody, so we gave ourselves somebody or bodies to trust. Somebody who won't betray us or use us. Somebody who won't judge us for who we are and what we've done. Somebody we can trust and believe.

Sometimes, I don't know whether to believe in God or not. If God or the Gods are really there, why is the world going through so much suffering and pain? Why do the good die young, and the horrible live happily? Why are people dying of hunger everyday? Why are there suicides and murders and theft? Why are people stealing and selling not only materials, but other people too? Why? If God is so good and has so much power, why doesn't he help us?

Sometimes, I think the only reason people believe in Heaven and Hell is because they're scared. They're scared of the unknown.They're afraid of leaving Earth and not knowing where they're going. We're all going, and nothing can stop us. We just don't know where, and that scares a lot of people. That scares me.

I know a lot of people who think that God and religion are both liabilities. They think people become cowards because of them. I tend to disagree. Even if we have no proof of God, there has to be a higher power. If there wasn't where did the trees, the birds, and the animals come from? Where did the land come from? The sky? The mountains? The ocean? Most of all, where did we come from? There are some things that science can not explain, let's leave it at that. 

Relative Somber Thoughts

When I was little whenever anybody passed away, I always thought it was my fault. It didn't matter if it was Michael Jackson or the lady 3 blocks down. If I had only eaten my vegetables or listened to my mother maybe they would still be alive. I realize now that it was a ludicrous idea. I had nothing to do with the death of anybody. I was just a little girl who adored the library and fictional stories way too much. It was just a way of dealing with loss.

Now, I shed a lot of tears and then simply distract myself. Death is a funny thing, but it's not much to laugh about. One minute somebody is here, living happily. The next, BOOM. Gone. Death is unknown, that's why it's so terrifying. Some people say that people who've passed away have gone to a better place. Well, how do they know? I'm 100% sure they've never been dead themselves. I understand though that they were trying to be nice, and I'm grateful for that.

I've noticed that when somebody passes away, only the people they knew truly feel the pain. Even when the pit of your stomach feels like falling out or when your tear ducts are on over drive; you feel as if your whole worlds been torn and can not ever be put back together. You can not even imagine that person not existing.

However, you take a look around. Life is still going on. When you look out the window, friends are still laughing. Cars still pass by. The day ends, the night arrives. You feel as if the whole world should freeze. How can life even go on? But it does. It goes on and on and on, with no mercy. Time is unstoppable. Sometimes, in the long run, it might not be a bad thing. Now though, it's horrible. Everything seems hopeless, but it's not. It will never be.

When I heard about my loss, the first thing I thought was the John Green quote written below from Looking For Alaska. Oh, Pudge. How I empathize with you right now.

“So hard to die.' I don't doubt that it is, but it cannot be much harder than being left behind.”  

Growing Up: No Such Thing

I grew up squinting toward the thin line between the ocean and the sky. I grew up breathing salty, humid air. I grew up running aimlessly and pretending that things were as they weren't. I grew up with weekly trips to McDonalds and the library. I grew up stressing about homework, like no other 5th grader ever did. I grew up dreaming about success. I grew up wanting my family more than my friends.  I grew up to appreciate acquaintances and making awkward conversation. I grew up being told that I lived in a huge melting pot; everybody was the same but different. I grew up in a place where ethnicity and race did not matter, unless it included questions to increase one's general knowledge. I grew up in long car rides that weren't very long. I grew up listening to a broken radio that would change the stations itself. I grew up acting and dancing in home videos. I grew up in a place where winter did not exist and nobody owned more than one jacket. I grew up safe and slow, expecting out of the world what I expected out of myself. I grew up in many ways, but at least I grew up.

But did I really?

I still have flaws and scars that I would love to replace, but can't. I'm not the smartest or the strongest or the prettiest; and sometimes that gets to me. We're all made up of moments, people, places, and possibilities. We're constantly changing. We're constantly growing. Thus, I don't think there is a point we really grow up. We're always growing, whether we like it or not. Age is just a number, but sometimes that number matters. When people turn 21, they consider themselves adults. Yet, they act like ignorant children.

Therefore, I believe that we all feel as if we've grown up sometimes, but we never really do. 

The Introduction

I always thought blogs were overrated. I felt that if you had thoughts you needed to write down, there was always paper and pen. The smell of a fresh notebook and a new inky pen were always waiting for you. Blogs just seemed like another way to seek attention. However, I just made a blog. I guess I'm on the dark side now! It's because I realized if you want to be heard, you have to be out there. There is here, on the internet. Another thing is lately, I've been trying to come up with a hobby. I'm sick and tired of being bored. I'm sick and tired of doing the same things with the same people everyday. I need something new, yet something I enjoy. Also, I like unravelling my thoughts into words. Most bloggers write about their day to day life or they write for other people. Not me. I'm going to blog about anything I want, because I write for myself. I don't write for anybody else. Writing makes me happy, so I write. With that I present you, my blog. Welcome to the window into my head.