When I was little whenever anybody passed away, I always thought it was my fault. It didn't matter if it was Michael Jackson or the lady 3 blocks down. If I had only eaten my vegetables or listened to my mother maybe they would still be alive. I realize now that it was a ludicrous idea. I had nothing to do with the death of anybody. I was just a little girl who adored the library and fictional stories way too much. It was just a way of dealing with loss.
Now, I shed a lot of tears and then simply distract myself. Death is a funny thing, but it's not much to laugh about. One minute somebody is here, living happily. The next, BOOM. Gone. Death is unknown, that's why it's so terrifying. Some people say that people who've passed away have gone to a better place. Well, how do they know? I'm 100% sure they've never been dead themselves. I understand though that they were trying to be nice, and I'm grateful for that.
I've noticed that when somebody passes away, only the people they knew truly feel the pain. Even when the pit of your stomach feels like falling out or when your tear ducts are on over drive; you feel as if your whole worlds been torn and can not ever be put back together. You can not even imagine that person not existing.
However, you take a look around. Life is still going on. When you look out the window, friends are still laughing. Cars still pass by. The day ends, the night arrives. You feel as if the whole world should freeze. How can life even go on? But it does. It goes on and on and on, with no mercy. Time is unstoppable. Sometimes, in the long run, it might not be a bad thing. Now though, it's horrible. Everything seems hopeless, but it's not. It will never be.
When I heard about my loss, the first thing I thought was the John Green quote written below from Looking For Alaska. Oh, Pudge. How I empathize with you right now.
“So hard to die.' I don't doubt that it is, but it cannot be much harder than being left behind.”
Now, I shed a lot of tears and then simply distract myself. Death is a funny thing, but it's not much to laugh about. One minute somebody is here, living happily. The next, BOOM. Gone. Death is unknown, that's why it's so terrifying. Some people say that people who've passed away have gone to a better place. Well, how do they know? I'm 100% sure they've never been dead themselves. I understand though that they were trying to be nice, and I'm grateful for that.
I've noticed that when somebody passes away, only the people they knew truly feel the pain. Even when the pit of your stomach feels like falling out or when your tear ducts are on over drive; you feel as if your whole worlds been torn and can not ever be put back together. You can not even imagine that person not existing.
However, you take a look around. Life is still going on. When you look out the window, friends are still laughing. Cars still pass by. The day ends, the night arrives. You feel as if the whole world should freeze. How can life even go on? But it does. It goes on and on and on, with no mercy. Time is unstoppable. Sometimes, in the long run, it might not be a bad thing. Now though, it's horrible. Everything seems hopeless, but it's not. It will never be.
When I heard about my loss, the first thing I thought was the John Green quote written below from Looking For Alaska. Oh, Pudge. How I empathize with you right now.
“So hard to die.' I don't doubt that it is, but it cannot be much harder than being left behind.”
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